Camping 101

When Bill and I purchased our motor home I had no idea what was in store for us. Alot of camping at a beach was my only request. I figured the motor home would provide us with a less expensive way to travel more often, more relaxation and more time together. It turns out, just like everything in else in life, camping requires work and money. So for the second time we have purchased a Money Pit only this time it didn't come with "weak trees" it came with a generator that didn't work, a tow dolly that scratched the crap out of our van (which we ended up selling after only one use) and too much togetherness. I endured the endless redneck jokes and RV humor and replay the Griswold's Christmas Vacation in my head over and over again.... Shitter's full. None the less our Ol' RV has brought us to a new chapter in our life together as a family...



Two young kids + our trusty ol' RV + a 24 hour ride to Florida (split up over 3 days) = adventure, right? If you say so. We hit the highway at 5am.





5:15am





"Are we there yet?"





"Not yet Liv. It's gonna be a little while."





Our first destination was South of the Border Campground in South Carolina- a 12 hour ride but with the kids it turned into 14 very looooonnnnngggg hours. Every stop to get gas or coffee turned into a 1/2 hour ordeal.





"Olivia you need to get back in your seat."





"No."





"Yes or we can't go to Florida."





"Fine. I don't want to go."





"Well we are going- Now get back in your seat!"





And it never failed, just like at home, as soon as I sat down....





"Mooommy, I need you."





"Of Course you do."





About two hours into the trip I just happen to ask Bill If he had put the step up outside the side door- we both quickly check the side mirror- oops! It was an act of God that we didn't tear it off going through the toll booths. Bill credits his expert driving skills. I just think God didn't want to test us when we were so close to home and could turn around.





Around noon we stopped to eat lunch. I had made prepared some meals ahead of time so we could save some money along the way. I start microwaving my lunch and realize the microwave is not working. Bill turns on the generator but no luck. He checks the fuses still nothing. Now we are both starring at the microwave, pressing buttons, banging on it while Olivia is running around in the trailer and Liam is crying.





Son of a ..... Okay McDonald's it is.





I am finally trying to relax on the couch and watch Cinderella....





"RaeAnn, can you come up here."





"Open the window and push out that side mirror please. All I can see are my own balls."





And going down the highway at 70 miles an hour do you know how many times I had to push that mirror out- A LOT! Bill finally stuck a twig in it on one of our many stops along the way. Worked like a charm.





Back on the road for another couple of hours and we stop at a rest stop in Virginia. I get out, use the restroom and on my way back to the trailer I am intercepted by this homely looking woman. She is wringing her hands and rambling on about needing to get home but her car broke down and she used the last of her money to fix it and she does have a cell phone but she has no family that will help her and she has never had to ask for any help before blah, blah, blah. I must have a sign on my forehead that says sucker and give her a whopping $3- hey I did my good deed for the day.





Back on the road. I am tired, cranky, Bill and I are snapping at each other and my digestive tract is not good due to all the fast food. I ask Bill to find an exit with something other than McDonald's, Wendy's or Burger King for dinner. We stop and Bill takes my order for Quiznos- Large mesquite chicken sandwhich, with extra cheese- hold the dressing please. He brings me back my sandwhich, which we are going to share, and starts driving. I am left standing in the back trying to find the russian dressing in the refidgerator as Bill goes around the ramp and juice boxes, ketchup, salad and soda cans start flying out at me! Are you kidding me.





"Where is the Russian Dressing?!"





"In the regrigerator."





Arrgggg!





I locate the dressing and finally get everything loaded back in the fridge, open my sandwhich to apply the dressing and..... what is this?! extra chicken and no cheese. I have had it! I crumple up the the whole thing and throw it in the garbage.





"Did you just throw out that sandwhich?"





my lack of response answers his questions. I lay on the couch, cover myself with my snuggie and pretend this trip is not happening.





Finally at South of the Border- Bill sleeps with Olivia on the couch and Liam and I sleep in the bed.





We wake to an uneventful morning- thank you Jesus and are back on the road. The rest of South Carolina, Georgia and finally Florida....





I 95 in Dayton Flordia- a fire truck goes flying by everyone, then police cars. All the police cars get in front of all four lanes of traffic and start slowing us down. We are the second vehicle in in the second lane from the right. Right before the LPGA Blvd. overpass the cops stop and reroute us off the exit and then back onto I 95. There are people stopped all along the entrance ramp back on I 95, some with cameras. We can see a line of police cars on the overpass. Bill and I are pondering back and forth about what the hell is going on (at one point Bill told me to check the internet for Obama's Itinary to see if he was passing through to go to the Dayton 500) we were thankful we that we were not stuck in the line of traffic that has to merge from 4 lanes to 1 to get off the exit- thank you lady from the Virginia rest stop for boosting my Karma- no good deed goes unnoticed. Come to find out they closed the overpass because of a potential jumper. Only we would encounter this- all kidding aside, thankfully the police talked the man down but I am sure a lot of the travelers sitting in traffic wanted to kill him.





Our destination for this day is a rest stop in southern Florida (mile marker 106 in case anyone needs a good rest area- this one was huge) anyway, we stop and start the generator to use the air conditioning because it is so hot and humid out.





VROOM.... VROOM.... VROOM goes the generator





then it starts fluctuating... VROOM, vroom, VROOM, vroom then nothing.





Bill goes outside to manually start it... VROOM, VROOM, VROOM... thank you baby Jesus





He gets back inside and the generator makes a last VROOM and putters off.





Son of a....





There is no way we can sleep in this camper with no air. I am having hot flashes just thinking about it. Opening the windows was out of the question because only Florida has they beautiful little bugs called 'no see ums'. You may not be able to see them but you feel them biting you. We call around to local campgrounds off 95 but they are all booked (one attendant told Bill that he should have planned in advance.... Let's just say that conversation did not end well). We decide that we are going to leave the good Ol' RV (which Bill first informs me that he is going to sell when we get home and then tells me he is going to burn it once we get to the Florida Keys and fly home) running all night with the cab AC on. We get the kids all settled but Liam and Olivia are still up. Bill is too frustrated to sleep so back in the car seats the kids go and off we go.





"Where are we going?"





"I don't care if we drive the rest of the way tonight." (It is another 4 hours to our campground in the Florida Keys and it is already 10:30pm)





"But check in at the campground is not until 11am."





"So we will park out front and wait."





okay, I am done talking to Mr. Unreasonable and try to locate an exit that has coffee. (btw to any campers out there- the book The Next Exit is fabulous for locating food, gas and lodgings off any main highway in the US- only $15 on Amazon!) I find a rest stop that has a dunckin donuts and Bill gets a little giddyup in his step. Both kids are sleeping and this is the best driving we have had all trip. We get there and Bill is taking awhile to come back to Old Faithful. He finally gets back and tells me that people are incompetent everywhere. Apparently someone had filled the napkin dispenser with napkins but going the wrong way so I can only imagine Bill in there trying frantically to get one napkin out while cursing the poor bastard who filled it. (now he knows what it is like to try to pull toilet paper out of a dispenser in a woman's room).





On the road again, ohhhh on the road again....





We opt to take the Florida Turnpkie instead of I95 through Fort Lauderdale and Miami as it is a little less crazy. The Next Exit Book does not cover this highway and I am feeling a little uneasy. I don't know where we are or where I can tell Bill to stop. I remember my in laws mentioning a Wal-Mart right off the turnpike before Rt.1 which lead to The Keys. I persuade Bill to stop there as we are both exhausted. Bill wants to get gas first, since we have to run the RV all night for the AC. As we are driving around to find a gas station that is open I am just not getting a good feeling about this town. We make our way to the Wal-Mart. Garbage flying around, carts everywhere, I want to go home..... but wait... could it be... a camper's haven....





A make shift RV park at your local Wal-Mart, security included. There were about a dozen campers parked in one corner of the Wal-Mart parking lot and a security car right infront of them-yeah! We found a spot and hunkered down for the night.





The next morning as we awake Olivia seeing the other campers around asks if we are at the our campground in Florida.

Conveniently located at a grocery store I decided to get some last minute items. If you see me on the next round of People of Walmart let me know because I was looking oh so pretty as I entered the Wal-mart- so much so that the greeter did not greet me. Anyway, two hours later and we finally arrive at the KOA in SugarLoaf Key! Finally... running water, electric, cable- this is the good life.I am finally starting to relax when what to my wondering eyes should appear but 8 tiny springbreakers. So our camp site is nestled between two permanent campers that the campground rents out. And what luck- they put the good ol' family truckster in between spring break 2010! Girls in bikinis, guys with wave runners and motor boats all hooting and hollering and speaking nothing but spanish. They are arriving by the car load and setting up tents next to their trailers.



Are you freakin' kidding me?!!



In true spring break fashion they waste little time in their trailers and tents and head to the pool side bar. Fine by us. We decide that we will give them one night before we complain. But alas we didn't have to. Turns out there were 19 of them all together and they only paid for 12 people. Management moved them and their tent city to the back of the campground. (unfortunately when alcohol and any moving vehicle is involved there is bound to be an accident. One of the boys was on his wave runner, going way too fast, got caught in the current and hit the conceret support of a bridge. The last we heard he was air lifted to Miami Hospital).



Cock-a-doodle-do.... Cock-a-doodle-do....



What the hell- a rooster?! oh you betcha- lots of them because apparently it is illegal to kill roosters here so they just wonder all around. Bill jokes that he has never seen so much cock before. Ha... Ha....Ha.... I am not amused. At least it is sunny and warm the day we arrive and we can go to the beach. Did I mention that it is supposed to rain for the majority our vacation- Sunshine State my ass.



"This is camping." Bill repeats his new mantra.