Back to work

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, Back to work I go...

After 5 years of working predominately from home raising my children (please note that I said working- because yes folks, a stay at home mother, homemaker, slave to ones children is a job) I am going back to working outside the home on a part time basis.  I am very excited about this endeavor but also very nervous.  My fears: leaving my children in someone else's care, failing at work, not being the homemaker I used to be... oh wait, lol why fear that my kids will probably behave during the day for others, that my success at work is being out of the house and being the homemaker I was- umm, well, let's face it my excuse has alwasy been, "I have two kids."  All kidding aside, I am torn about starting back to work as my oldest enters Kindergarten and my youngest goes to preschool :(  Where did the time go???  My calming thought is that I will be a better mother to them if I am away from them for a bit each day.  LMAO- whoever said this has got to be kidding themselves! I know exactly what is going to happen:

Mom goes to work.  Kids go to school and behave nicely for caregivers.  Mom comes home from work and... wait for it.... "MOM, MOM, MOM..."    "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"  "I NEED YOU!" 
"FOR WHAT? CAN'T YOU GIVE ME 5 MINUTES TO MYSELF!" 

When I accepted this job offer I talked it out with my husband and father of our children.  His reassurance was, well not so reassuring.  Sure he said I would be awesome at my job and do well but then it happened... He said he would help out around the house: clean the bathrooms, vaccuum, do laundry.  This concerned me two fold- first I don't like how he cleans (lol) and second, you are going to do these things without me asking? every week? to death do us part? Ummm... I truly understand and appreciate full time working out of house mothers:  take care of kids, go to their job, come home, try not to yell at their children after being away from them all day, cook, clean, laundry and maybe, just maybe get a good primetime show in before a child wakes up crying.  OH MY 50 SHADES WHERE ARE YOU?  not for the kinky fuckery, although.................................................................. oh I'm sorry lost in thought for a moment... :) but for the help! the housekeeper, cook, child care, personal shopper... is it only in fiction? lol

So it is the night before my first official day back to work and panic has set in....no, not because I am leaving the kids lol- but because, my god do I have anything to wear that doesn't have a hole in it or stain on it?! Well I will have to make do with the wardrobe I have for now.  I will kiss my kids goodbye in the morning, carrying my princess lunchbox that my daughter let me borrow, for now and hear the echoes of "momma, momma" turn into "RaeAnn, RaeAnn"  

I will miss being "momma" for a little bit each day but will enjoy being called my name, RaeAnn- the out of house working mom, too.